Episode 24
What Are We Looking Forward to in 2023?
In this week's episode of Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking, Kirsten and Kellie talk about an idea they’ve been hearing a lot about, that you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. But did you know that research shows that the influence is wider than just 5 people? They also share how each of them is starting off 2023. Tell us how you’re beginning the new year in the comments!
Key take-aways:
- Research shows how your community affects your own health and outlook
- Research also shows that heart rate variability is an effective tool for mental health
- Kellie’s word for 2023 is “joy”
Rourke Training’s webpage: https://www.rourketraining.com/
Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking page: https://ongoing-mastery.captivate.fm/
RSS feed: https://feeds.captivate.fm/ongoing-mastery/
Read a transcript of this episode: https://share.descript.com/view/lUkvymGsa6X
For the video version of this episode: https://youtu.be/b-en601_gCI
- You Are the Average of the Five People You Spend Time With | Ellevate
- David Burkus, "You're NOT the Average of the Five People You Surround Yourself With"
- David Burkus' book, Friend of a Friend …:Understanding the Hidden Networks that can Transform Your Life and Your Career
- Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H. and Fowler, Ph.D., “The Spread of Obesity in a Large Social Network over 32 Years” - New England Journal of Medicine, July 26, 2007
- Ryan Spence 🌱 ⓥ on LinkedIn: Picking the word for 2023
- Biofeedback - Meru Health
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstenrourke/
Looking for a kick-ass speaking group? Use our affiliate link to join Innovation Women: https://bit.ly/innovationwomen
Transcript
Hello, everyone and welcome to Ongoing Mastery:
Kirsten:Presenting & Speaking, season three.
Kirsten:Hi, Kellie.
Kellie:Hey, how are you, Kirsten?
Kirsten:Oh, my God.
Kirsten:So, we've done the thing.
Kirsten:We've made it to a new season.
Kirsten:Go us.
Kellie:That's awesome.
Kirsten:So, I will lightly ask, the holidays have been interesting,
Kellie:Yes
Kirsten:How, how, are you recovered from your holidays?
Kellie:I am recovered from my holidays, yes.
Kellie:I had a nice chance to relax with my husband and teenager,
Kellie:and that was a good reset.
Kirsten:Yes.
Kirsten:So, speaking of reset, give me this concept around this word
Kirsten:that is the focus for 2023.
Kirsten:I love this concept.
Kirsten:So what is this?
Kirsten:What is this word?
Kellie:Sure.
Kellie:So, lots of folks do this.
Kellie:Pick a word at the end of the previous year that's going to be your focus
Kellie:word for the year that's starting.
Kellie:And you put that word on a sticky note or a sign.
Kellie:You put it somewhere where you can see it daily.
Kellie:And you use it as a gut check, measuring stick, whatever makes sense for you, is
Kellie:the thing you're about to do in keeping with the word of the year, right,
Kirsten:Mmm-hmm
Kellie:Is that word of the year guiding you?
Kellie:Are you letting it guide you?
Kellie:Or are you kind of just off doing your thing, right.
Kellie:And so it's intended, intended to be a kind of ongoing mindfulness
Kellie:exercise where you're, keep checking in with yourself and not just kind
Kellie:of running on the hamster wheel.
Kirsten:So
Kellie:I've done this before.
Kirsten:Okay
Kellie:I had picked,
Mm-hmm
Kellie:The year of my illness and then my father-in-law's passing, it would come
Kellie:to be, but I had picked "thrive" for 2019.
Kirsten:Okay.
Kellie:And then, having thrived, very beginning of 2020, picked "resilience."
Kirsten:Oh
Kellie:Spolier alert on that.
Kirsten:Gee, that came up for a lot of people, didn't it?
Kellie:It turns out, it did.
Kirsten:Yeah
Kellie:And then I haven't picked a new one, because I've sort of
Kellie:been, sort of stuck in resilience.
Kellie:That's a weird phrase.
Kirsten:Mmm
Kellie:But anyway, a friend was posting on LinkedIn, Ryan Spence.
Kellie:Hi Ryan.
Kellie:And he was choosing his word.
Kellie:And I got into the conversation in the comments, and I decided
Kellie:to pick a word for 2023.
Kellie:And it's a word that I've been wishing a lot in people as I wish
Kellie:them happy holidays in December, of various religious observations, joy.
Kellie:My word for 2023 is "joy."
Kirsten:Huh, okay.
Kirsten:I, I wouldn't have called that.
Kirsten:I, I like it, from resilience to joy.
Kirsten:Ooooh.
Kirsten:Okay.
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:I like that, because we were talking about starting season three
Kirsten:as a reset for ourselves personally, for ourselves professionally,
Kellie:Yep
Kirsten:Because everybody's, you know, the last couple years, it's been a lot,
Kirsten:and everybody's still dealing with stuff.
Kirsten:We've gone through our first year as the new business
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:And learned a lot, all the education, all the things.
Kellie:So learning, much wow.
Kirsten:So learning, much wow.
Kirsten:It's been, it's been a lot of resilience.
Kirsten:Yes, it has.
Kirsten:Ooh, so, I need a word.
Kirsten:I need a word.
Kirsten:And I would've picked,
Kellie:You don't need a word.
Kirsten:Okay.
Kirsten:I'll have to think about it.
Kirsten:Because honestly, if you had emailed me this, I would've simply
Kirsten:picked "resilience" as my word.
Kirsten:But, now that I hear "joy," I like that.
Kirsten:I'm gonna have to think about it.
Kirsten:So, folks who are listening, in the comments of all the socials and
Kirsten:the website and everywhere where you encounter this, what word are
Kirsten:you gonna focus on this next year?
Kirsten:What are you gonna have be your, your guidance, because
Kirsten:"joy," that's, that's awesome.
Kirsten:I like that.
Kellie:Thank you
Kirsten:I like that a lot.
Kellie:Thank you
Kirsten:So, one of the things we wanted to talk about to kick off season
Kirsten:three is that we, you know, kind of reshaped, we're constantly evolving.
Kirsten:That's the whole point of ongoing mastery.
Kirsten:That's what we do.
Kirsten:That's what we help our clients with.
Kirsten:And we started a season, and then in season two, we shifted and added in video.
Kirsten:And in season three,
Kellie:Hi
We're starting, add in, we added in some coaching last season, we're
Kirsten:adding in some more, and we'll see what other bells and whistles we can pull in.
Kirsten:So, in the constant evolution of the work of presenting and speaking,
Kirsten:and also just as people, I, I know we're gonna talk about some other
Kirsten:things, but you agreed to actually do something for me, with me, that you
Kirsten:were a little uncomfortable about.
Kellie:That's true.
Kirsten:And what was that thing?
Kirsten:What was that thing?
Kellie:We're taking a class, right?
Kellie:We're, we're taking a class.
Kirsten:We're taking a class.
Kellie:That's the thing.
Kirsten:We're taking a class, an improv class.
Kirsten:And thank you for doing that with me, and thank you for doing the "Oh
Kirsten:dear God, I'm gonna do this" thing.
Kellie:Yeah.
Kellie:I'm terrified.
Kellie:I am legit terrified.
Kirsten:I have been wanting to add this in.
Kirsten:This has been on my ongoing mastery plan for a couple years now, so thank you.
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:And for those listening,
Kellie:You're welcome
Kirsten:That's part of what this is, is you kind of figure out where
Kirsten:you wanna grow, and where you wanna stretch, and things you wanna work on.
Kirsten:And mine happened to be storytelling and improv, the areas I wanna expand into.
Kirsten:And Kellie is gracious enough to take an improv class with me coming up.
Kirsten:So, that'll be fun.
Kirsten:We'll talk about that.
Kirsten:And that leads into the topic that we were gonna talk about
Kirsten:today, which is the people that you are connected to really make
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:A huge difference in what you're able to do, the power you're
Kirsten:able to bring, the transformation that you can make in the world.
Kirsten:And you came up with an interesting find.
Kirsten:Can you talk about that?
Kellie:Sure.
Kellie:Well, I think you should talk about the, the five people expression, because
Kellie:that's the one that we hear most often.
Kirsten:So
Kellie:And then I'll come, I'll let you know what I found, more about it.
Kirsten:So, what I've been hearing when I transferred from freelancer
Kirsten:to entrepreneur last January and was, you know, sort of learning the
Kirsten:entrepreneurial journey, with the arrogance of, "I know how this goes.
Kirsten:I've been watching this forever."
Kirsten:And then went, "Oh no, I really don't."
Kirsten:Everyone around me said, "Well, the five people around you that
Kirsten:you spend the most time with really help determine your success.
Kirsten:They help determine the energy, the trajectory of your career and your life.
Kirsten:And if you are surrounded by people who are stuck and unhappy and are
Kirsten:basically just holding themselves down, it is so much harder for you to thrive.
Kirsten:And if you connect with other people who are also on this journey and also
Kirsten:trying to transform the world and trying to transform themselves, you
Kirsten:are more likely to do that work."
Kirsten:And I've been hearing that from everybody, but apparently it's more than that.
Kirsten:So, what did you find?
Kirsten:You found some research.
Kellie:I did.
Kellie:So, the "you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with"
Kellie:is attributed to a speaker, Jim Rohn.
Kellie:But I found David Burkus doing some research for his book in about 2018
Kellie:that says it's not just the five people.
Kellie:Yes, it's the five people, but it's a much wider network than that.
Kellie:It's everybody that you're in contact with, and even everybody
Kellie:they're in contact with.
Kirsten:Mm-hmm
Kellie:And he goes into more detail.
Kellie:Researchers have found, in a study that's in the New England Journal
Kellie:of Medicine looking at obesity,
Kirsten:Mmm
Kellie:So, if an individual is surrounded by obese people, they are statistically
Kellie:more likely themselves to be obese.
Kellie:If
Kirsten:Okay
Kellie:A person's network, so person X has a network, that network has people in
Kellie:it who gain weight and are obese, person X is more likely to gain weight, right.
Kirsten:Mmm
Kellie:And so it's the, it's this extended effect of the people you
Kellie:surround yourself with influence your choices, your outlook, your outcome.
Kirsten:Okay.
Kirsten:And, and that ties into a lot of the stuff we've been talking about the last two
Kirsten:seasons, which is the power of community.
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:And, I mean, we, and we keep bringing this up and we're gonna keep
Kirsten:calling out Bobbie Carlton forever and ever, "speakers need speaker friends,"
Kirsten:and that just quote is so true.
Kirsten:But it's also more than that.
Kirsten:It's anybody who's doing presenting and speaking, you really do need to
Kirsten:connect with other people who have tried it or are doing it, who, who
Kirsten:understand the work, because public speaking is, it's an unusual thing,
Kirsten:and it terrifies so many people.
Kirsten:So, the process of dealing with that fear and dealing with the challenge of it,
Kirsten:and even to the physicality of learning how to control your body and what your
Kirsten:movements do, and the communication you're making, and the way you use your
Kirsten:voice and language and all of that,
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:The more you are connected to other people who've been in those
Kirsten:circles or have that experience, the more you're able to grow, the broader reach
Kirsten:you're able to have, because you're not doing as much of the lifting yourself.
Kirsten:It's like other
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:People are helping carry the load.
Kellie:You're in a fertile seedbed, where you're all growing instead of, you
Kellie:know, it doesn't matter if one of you is flowers and one of you is tomatoes,
Kellie:you're all growing in the rich soil.
Kirsten:I like it.
Kirsten:I like it.
Kirsten:And, yes, indeed, you can say that I will consider myself a tomato for today.
Kirsten:I'm officially, I'm officially tomato.
Kirsten:So, what I wanna encourage everybody listening, obviously
Kirsten:we're just a little giddy.
Kirsten:We're starting off the new season and we're coming to the end of,
Kirsten:2022 was a, a hell of a year.
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:2023 is going to be a year with joy.
Kirsten:It's going to be a year with happiness.
Kirsten:It's going to be a year of thriving and there's gonna be challenges.
Kirsten:There's some pretty big challenges.
Kirsten:I'm right now facing one of, you know, my mother-in-law is staring
Kirsten:down the barrel of Alzheimer's.
Kirsten:We're gonna be having some challenges.
Kirsten:And we're also gonna be learning to really focus on the
Kirsten:quality of life and joy of life
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:While we're in it.
Kirsten:So,
Kellie:Yep
Kirsten:Everybody listening and everybody watching, please join us
Kirsten:and, and come with us on this journey.
Kirsten:Because if you are, if you are like some of my friends, whose network is
Kirsten:largely people who do not understand the entrepreneurial journey or are not
Kirsten:part of it, and they wanna protect you and they wanna help you, so they're
Kirsten:kind of keeping you safe and that is wonderful, but it also makes it
Kirsten:a lot harder to shoot for the stars.
Kirsten:Well,
Kellie:Yeah
Kirsten:Come with us, and let's shoot for the stars from a place of stability
Kirsten:and from a place where your feet are on the ground, but you can still stare
Kirsten:up and, and reach for things with us, because that's what we're gonna be doing,
Kirsten:is we're gonna be trying some stuff.
Kirsten:Like, I'm so thrilled to death that you're willing to try improv.
Kirsten:And I'm impressed as hell that you actually said yes, because I
Kirsten:didn't think you were going to.
Kirsten:So that's wonderful.
Kellie:Improv is yes, and.
Kellie:I said yes,
Kirsten:It's yes, and.
Kellie:And I'm terrified.
Kirsten:Yes, and I wanna kill you.
Kirsten:Yes.
Kirsten:I, I get that.
Kirsten:That's wonderful.
Kellie:So, what I'm working on, we already talked about in my ongoing
Kirsten:mastery journey, is I'm working on improv and I'm working on storytelling.
Kirsten:What things do you wanna grow and stretch in your journey this next year?
Kirsten:What things do you wanna branch into?
Kirsten:Do you have any thoughts?
Kellie:I, I don't know if it's branch into, so much as it is deal better with
Kirsten:Mm
Kellie:Stage fright.
Kellie:Why I am terrified of improv is public speaking scares me.
Kellie:I've been teaching more than two decades.
Kellie:First day of class, always scary for me.
Kirsten:Oh yeah
Kellie:And the thought of giving larger speeches, I do it.
Kellie:I do it, I don't want to say all the time, but I do it with
Kellie:enough regularity, always scary.
Kirsten:Mm-hmm
Kellie:And I would like for it to be less scary.
Kirsten:I like it.
Kirsten:And, and on that, I'm actually going to hold up this interesting little device.
Kirsten:So, as Kellie knows, I am taking a class to deal with stress.
Kirsten:It is a mental health class, and this is a little monitor that clips
Kirsten:on my ear and this connects to my phone, and I practice breathing
Kirsten:to do variable heart rate control.
Kirsten:And I'm learning this technique because apparently variable heart rate treatment
Kirsten:is really, really good for dealing with anxiety, depression, and stress.
Kirsten:And so, I am learning this, and as I learn more about it, I will share it with you,
Kirsten:but I, I find it very interesting, the idea that regulating your heart rate and,
Kirsten:basically, just your body's instinctive reactions to stress is actually sending
Kirsten:enough messages to your brain that your normal, if your brain is like mine,
Kirsten:parts of it are always yelling at you and always saying, "You're going to fail.
Kirsten:The world hates you," and having it be basically calmed down
Kirsten:or quieter would be lovely.
Kirsten:So, I will be, I will be sharing this as we go along the journey, because this
Kirsten:is a pretty fun piece of equipment and it's just a little weird to be sitting
Kirsten:there with the thing clipped on your ear going, "Okay, breathing, one, two."
Kirsten:So, we'll see how it goes.
Kirsten:But statistically, it's studied, it's, the studies show that it actually
Kirsten:really does have a positive impact.
Kirsten:So, it's interesting.
Kellie:Sounds like high tech yoga, meditation, breathing.
Kirsten:I think so.
Kirsten:I mean, it's interesting, because I started doing the research
Kirsten:when I got the equipment.
Kirsten:And I had not encountered this, but it tests out.
Kirsten:It's been studied, and it apparently is very, very effective.
Kirsten:So, I'm looking forward
Kellie:Excellent
Kirsten:To learning this technique.
Kirsten:And then, of course, sharing it with everybody because, we all can moderate
Kirsten:our stress response and deal with the things that life throws at us, and
Kellie:I'm a fan
Kirsten:With that, I, I think, what I wanna do is just take a, kicking off
Kirsten:the new season to celebrate that we have in our just little circle of five, now
Kirsten:we have an extended group that you were talking about, but we've got you, and
Kirsten:Jim, and Dani, and Alex, and me all as members of the Rourke Training family.
Kirsten:And it is fascinating to me when we all get together and you find that
Kirsten:these disparate people, some of whom just met, all have the same perverse,
Kirsten:dark, sarcastic sense of humor.
Kellie:All can quote West Wing episodes.
Kirsten:All can quote the same geeky science fiction stuff.
Kirsten:All can come up with the really hideously inappropriate jokes that,
Kirsten:that everyone will follow to the death and Jim is gonna design t-shirts for.
Kirsten:So, I think, I think it's really, really lovely and I'm really
Kirsten:grateful to have this group.
Kirsten:And I'm grateful to have the extended audience and the extended family of all
Kirsten:of you that are watching and listening, because it's really, really great to
Kirsten:be doing something that you've dreamed about for years and years and years.
Kirsten:And I really appreciate your listening and watching and going with us on this.
Kirsten:So, that's pretty much my season three kickoff.
Kirsten:Where are we heading with interviews?
Kirsten:We have some good stuff coming up.
Kirsten:We've got some new people.
Kirsten:We've got some new talks.
Kirsten:So,
Kellie:We're talking with J Schuh next week about creativity.
Kellie:We've got a couple storytelling folks
Kirsten:Yeah
Kellie:In the queue.
Kirsten:Yep.
Kirsten:We've got a person who I've known 25 years ago and kind of has been
Kirsten:in my extended circle forever, who is a professional storyteller,
Kirsten:who's won all the major storytelling awards and has all the experience.
Kirsten:So, I'm really looking forward to kind of bringing her battle-tested strategies
Kirsten:to the audience, because I think it'll be lovely to go beyond the lighthearted
Kirsten:"storytelling is nice" into the, "no, it's actually a transformational skill.
Kirsten:Go a little further than that," and I think
Kellie:Love it.
Kirsten:I think that's about it.
Kellie:I think that's about it.
Kirsten:So, join us.
Kirsten:Thanks for being here.
Kirsten:We'll see you next time.
Kirsten:We have, as always, the Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking group on LinkedIn.
Kirsten:We are on Rourke Training and we're on all the socials.
Kirsten:We are looking for extended family to join us on our ongoing mastery journey.
Kirsten:Please come play.
Kirsten:And I think with that,
Kellie:Cheers
Kirsten:We will see you next episode.
Kirsten:Bye, everybody.